Hi anyone who's reading this,
I'm not really coming back to DA, but I wanted to drop clue here about Social Vibe [link].
Or join through the link in my myspace to help out even more! [link]
It's a great new social-networking site that focuses on using advertising to raise money for good causes.
Go ahead and check it out for yourself and please add me as a friend on there and help us all work to make the world
a better place, all just by being lazy internet bums like we already are!

I'm leaving Deviant Art.

-End.

I keep seeing leaves on the ground of the Autumnal Variety. It makes me very excited. While I know from years past, the fall is a time that tends to set my emotions on "intense" mode (when aren't they) it is also a time when my eyes, mind, and heart are all open to the world more than usual, an currently it's making me feel great.

I'm preparing some really cool packages to send up to my Jennifer so her physical mailbox won't be empty. Some of it will be halloween decorations. I can't wait to get up to visit there, especially for Halloween. Salem+Halloween= Awesome, does it not?

I keep breaking down in front of him and I keep promising I won't do it again.
He and I are so similar that It must be another one of those cosmic coincidences.
I keep asking why I am where I am, but I think that it's probably just to have met
the people here that I have and learn what I can from them, and maybe to leave
them with a lesson or two as well.

Some of you casual Deviants may be wondering why I'm posting this. Really
I ignore the fact that this journal is meant to record artistic process. A person
is the sum of his experiences, and life in this way, from the beginning to the end,
is really an artistic process. Please know that there are certain people who I
am writing this for, whom I simply could not tell this to in person, people I considered
Never telling. In fact, if you don't know me in person, or regularly speak to me
please skip the next paragraph, and instead take this joke:how do crazy people
get through the forest? ON PSYCHOPATHS!!"

What he knows is that I am emotional. What he doesn't know is just how much
worse I used to be. Of all the range of human emotion, Guilt has been what I've felt
the most often, in the most extreme. I was always a well behaved child, and the
thought of doing anything wrong got to me. Deep down. Some people tell me/think
that I've never been depressed, or that I don't have problems because I don't
take meds, or I don't see any therapists. But I'll tell them they're wrong. Lately I've
been fine, but prevously my highs have been high and my lows have been low.
There have been times in my life when guilt and regret had turned to self-loathing
and I would make the choice to replace mental anquish with physical pain.
I think now and go back to reread one of my poems. Perhaps he already knew this
and just never lead on that he did. That would be his sort of thing to do. (And it bothers me
that a deviant thought that poem was written from my imagination.) If I didn't respect him
I wouldn't feel so bad for thinking I might have hurt him. When a grown man with eyes wide
and hands shaking is baring his soul to people he cares for, It's immense to think you've
wronged someone who is so vulnerable at the time.

Until the past few days I was having the best month I've had in a long, long time.
While Jen remained the shyer of the two of us the weekend I met her, I knew well
enough that she was nothing short of the sweetest kindest girl I've ever known.
What I can't get over, and it's been weeks, is that we may have never met, or
bothered to spend the time with eachother if it hadn't been for our choice in
costumes at Connecticon. While the distance thing is tough, it keeps me on track
with other things that are equally as important to me, like school.
I'm quite seriously considering a school in the Boston area after this.
Everyone I talk to about it seems to really like the city, and as much as
I hate cities, I think living and learning just outside of it would be a lot of fun.
It gets me a school I probably won't hate, one that is not full of as much corporate
Bull Shit as this one. It gets me away from parents. It gets me away from people
I don't want to see anymore, yet at the same time both further from and closer to
people who mean the world to me.

I feel like I'm ten paces behind in a huge race, but my body doesn't have enough
energy to push any further. As refreshing as it is to get help, Something about my
bullheaded independence gets in the way. I want people to cheer for me, and not
give me a push. I couldn't do this without fans.

Lately sleep has not come easy to me. Dreams are more tiring than real life.
They seem to fortell what is to come in the day ahead. I had a good one last night.
I need Caffeine. But over all, It doesn't get much better.

I must say, this past weekend was really the best three days I had over my break from school. Actually, it was the best three days I've had since... a long time.

There is so much to say here:

This year I did a cosplay of Cloud Strife (Advent Children outfit), and apparently I did a great job. (I even had someone mistake my real hair for a great wig)

I'll link some pictures, or maybe post them on here as scraps later, I really just want to get all the writing out of the way first.

The moment I got even close to the registration table, a man told me there was an incredible Aeris upstairs and he simply HAD to have a picture of us both. He had no idea how incredible she really was. Aeris (Jen) found me almost immediately, and since I didn't have 1 gil to spend on one of her flowers, she gave one to me instead. I ended up spending the entire weekend with her. It must have taken us more than 10 minutes to get accross the floor to the gaming room because of all the picture requests. I may as well take the time to brag here. A large degree of it could have been how awesome Jen looked as Aeris, but over the course of the three days we must have totalled nearly 150 picture requests, and surely many more were taken when we posed with Sephiroth (Pete) and participated in the Cosplay Dating game.

On top of that I had a lot of younger teenage girls introduce me to "The Cloud Song" which I didn't know existed until friday afternoon. I also must note that being simultaneously glomped by a dozen screaming girls is absolutely horrifying.

Back to the Dating Game:
It was the first time ConnCon had the cosplay dating game, and it could have been run a bit better. Aeris and I didn't exactly know what we were getting into when we agreed to participated, but the guy seemed to really want us to. The man hosting the show and his posse did an AWFUL job Timing the thing, and I ran out of scripted questions and had a pretty hard time coming up with more good questions, hopefully I nailed a couple of them. And all after that, they cut Aeris's stage time really short. = P

I really miss her. The more I got to know her, the more she fascinated me, and the more I found we had in common, and the more I resented the fact that she lives a state away. </3

I realize this has been one of my longest journals I've EVER written, and I appologize for even putting it here for you to read, but ConnCon was really amazing, and I still have more stories about it that I want to tell. So let's make this last one really short. When Aeris locks her keys in the car, Reno comes to the rescue.